Don’t Belong in That Club

which-one-doesnt-belong

So the tally of people I know having babies this year has reached a colossal level. I’ve actually lost count. This will most likely mean a shitload of baby showers. My pregnant best friend extended the first invitation the other day.
And my first reaction was yeah, I don’t think so. How weird is that? I’m currently pregnant and due for another scan tomorrow when I’ll be 8 + 4 weeks (fingers crossed all goes well, story for tomorrow) but my gut reaction is still to shun baby showers and turn away from pregnancy announcements.
The truth is, I just don’t belong in their world. On the rare occasions that I have listened in on these fertile, pregnant women’s conversations I hear things like “my husband and I only tried once!”, “can you believe I’m showing already at 6 weeks??”, “I’m going to be so pissed if the baby is a boy/girl”, “I hate being pregnant” and the list goes on. It’s not that they’re horrible women, well, some are but you always find one. It’s just that I cannot identify with their ignorance of infertility, how life is created and the fucking miracle that it is.
I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I have to make small talk with them. The other day a colleague asked me, “So Em when are you having a baby?” I deflected and mumbled something about it happening one day then she said rather cheerfully, “Oh come one, if you want one just do it, it’s easy!”.
Lol, no. No, it’s not easy. It’s actually fucking hard for some people and harder still for others. Not only is it hard it’s fucking expensive. Try tens of thousands of dollars expensive. I wish I said that but a pregnant colleague overheard and piped up that no, it’s not easy and explained how it took her 6 years to get pregnant with one 13 week miscarriage in between. That’s fucking horrifying and I’m sorry she had to hear that. That comment annoyed the hell out of me but how must it have made her feel? Still, she said that gently and with a small smile on her face, handling it with so much grace. I gave her a hug and told her how sorry I was for her previous loss and how happy I am for her now.
To be fair, my other colleague is young, has no children herself and was naive to all of this. She didn’t apologise for her comment but seemed to reflect on it. I hope. I am not happy that I am infertile but I am happy about what infertility has taught me. I am more compassionate, more understanding and empathetic because of it. And if our world had a little bit more of that, it would be a much better place. So, I will resolve to be better and educate others on infertility and their stupid comments lest they hurt someone else. However, still on the sidelines and not at the fertile women’s club.

 

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Don’t Belong in That Club

  1. That has been my mission since I healed from our losses. Instead of being angry at ignorant comments I speak up. I tell the women just how hard it can be for someone like me. I tell them the truth. Infertility and losses are still so taboo and it blows my mind since it’s unfortunately so common. So I just make it something that I talk about. Once I was able to remove the anger and the sadness, stopped feeling sorry for me and they wanted to know more information, and educate themselves.

    My theory is; there has to be a reason. There has to be a reason my God put me through this. It wasn’t for nothing. So I am open on social media, I talk about it, I post articles that educate others. In turn, I’ve noticed that a LOT of people reach out to me when they themselves are experiencing infertility and loss. And I’ve made some very deep connections with others that I may have not made otherwise.

    Good luck at your scan today! Can’t wait to hear how great it went 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lavonne! Thank you so much for checking in, sorry for the delayed update! Everything went well and I’m hoping it continues to do so 🙂 I agree, it’s a great feeling when people genuinely want to understand and know more about what we go through. I admire that you speak up when you hear ignorant comments as so few of us do, it does take courage and I am hoping to be better in that regard Xx

      Like

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