So the tally of people I know having babies this year has reached a colossal level. I’ve actually lost count. This will most likely mean a shitload of baby showers. My pregnant best friend extended the first invitation the other day.
And my first reaction was yeah, I don’t think so. How weird is that? I’m currently pregnant and due for another scan tomorrow when I’ll be 8 + 4 weeks (fingers crossed all goes well, story for tomorrow) but my gut reaction is still to shun baby showers and turn away from pregnancy announcements.
The truth is, I just don’t belong in their world. On the rare occasions that I have listened in on these fertile, pregnant women’s conversations I hear things like “my husband and I only tried once!”, “can you believe I’m showing already at 6 weeks??”, “I’m going to be so pissed if the baby is a boy/girl”, “I hate being pregnant” and the list goes on. It’s not that they’re horrible women, well, some are but you always find one. It’s just that I cannot identify with their ignorance of infertility, how life is created and the fucking miracle that it is.
I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I have to make small talk with them. The other day a colleague asked me, “So Em when are you having a baby?” I deflected and mumbled something about it happening one day then she said rather cheerfully, “Oh come one, if you want one just do it, it’s easy!”.
Lol, no. No, it’s not easy. It’s actually fucking hard for some people and harder still for others. Not only is it hard it’s fucking expensive. Try tens of thousands of dollars expensive. I wish I said that but a pregnant colleague overheard and piped up that no, it’s not easy and explained how it took her 6 years to get pregnant with one 13 week miscarriage in between. That’s fucking horrifying and I’m sorry she had to hear that. That comment annoyed the hell out of me but how must it have made her feel? Still, she said that gently and with a small smile on her face, handling it with so much grace. I gave her a hug and told her how sorry I was for her previous loss and how happy I am for her now.
To be fair, my other colleague is young, has no children herself and was naive to all of this. She didn’t apologise for her comment but seemed to reflect on it. I hope. I am not happy that I am infertile but I am happy about what infertility has taught me. I am more compassionate, more understanding and empathetic because of it. And if our world had a little bit more of that, it would be a much better place. So, I will resolve to be better and educate others on infertility and their stupid comments lest they hurt someone else. However, still on the sidelines and not at the fertile women’s club.